By David Charles Edwards
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Extra resources for Bereavement at Work: A Pratical Guide for Supporting People at a Critical Time
And Parry, W. (1994) Tim: An Ordinary Boy, London: Hodder and Stoughton. 11 Whitaker, A. ) (1984) All in the End is Harvest: An Anthology for Those Who Grieve, London: Darton, Longman and Todd in association with CRUSE. 1 Bereavement is such an individual experience that it is foolish to imagine we can describe with any precision the route that is to be taken beforehand. Colin Parry, for example, has written after the murder of his son, Tim, by the IRA in Warrington that he and his wife Wendy ‘learned that people do not grieve according to schedules and timetables.
When asleep or just waking, hallucinations and strange vivid dreams are not unusual. Acute grief can be very upsetting to be near, which is one reason why the bereaved are given a wide berth by some people. Elizabeth Jennings wrote in 1967:6 Time does not heal. It makes a half-stitched scar That can be broken and you feel Grief as total as in its first hour. What typically changes is not its intensity but its continuity. At first the bereaved person may be constantly moving in and out of acute grief, but as the days or weeks pass, longer intervals will gradually elapse between being preoccupied with and pining for the deceased.
The second is the complete opposite: an apathy, which requires everyone else to do everything, including, if possible, looking after the bereaved person. m. to tell him that his father had just died from a heart attack. m. he was on his way to the other side of the country where his parents lived. He had already written a two page email to his secretary and put through a coherent ten minute phone call to his deputy unscrambling his plans and ensuring that essential work was undertaken in his absence.